101 | Who Are You? 6 Key Truths About Your Identity
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[00:00:00] Hey friends. Welcome back to the Called to Lead podcast. So in today's episode, I'm going to be diving into something that honestly, the Lord is working in my heart big time right now in the season. And if you've been listening to the last well, several episodes in the last several weeks of this podcast, in this journey, you know, that I have been through one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but also one of the most fulfilling seasons of my life. In walking alongside one of my best friends and her final battle facing metastatic breast cancer. And while I'll let you kind of pop back on to those other episodes, to hear a little bit more about that journey and specifically. I feel like anytime we go through a deep trial or a trouble where there that's in our life or in our marriage or in our business in particular. The Lord is calling us into deeper dependence on him. And honestly, he's shaping us into who we are meant to be. [00:01:00]
So that's what today's episode is going to be about is who you are, who you were made to be, and your true identity. And so this is an important subject that I am unpacking myself. ~Uh, ~through some, some deep work and some spending a lot of time in the word and with some resources and tools that I'll share with you today.
But there are a few truths that the Lord has put on my heart that I want to share with you today. Regarding what is and isn't your identity whether you are a believer or not so let's dive into today's episode
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So I'm curious, have you ever been in a place of like deep wrestling with what it is that you're doing, whether it's your job or your career, or maybe whether to go into a different job or a different career, or maybe you're a stay-at-home mom and you want to add in, and you know, an income stream or maybe you're struggling with, if you should have added an income stream and instead you should just be a mama. Well, I hope that today's conversation all around identity and who specifically the Lord has [00:03:00] called you to be in your life. And how that's different for all of us. I hope and pray that this can be a message that can hit to your heart in whatever season you're walking in. And if you've been here, like I have, where you've really wrestled with this, I think ~you'll, ~you'll recognize the growth and the transformation through those deep times of trials and troubles.
And if you. Are currently walking in it. I, again, I've been there, so I feel you and I pray that this can serve you, but if you haven't yet experienced this, you probably will because. We are all while we're still here on this earth, we are called to. Basically fulfill who we're meant to be on this earth.
And when we do our final job of that, and when we become more like Christ, and when we fulfilled all that, he has asked us to here on this earth, that's when he calls us home to Eternity, which is the ultimate goal. And so if you're still here, which if you're listening to this, you are. And so am I. [00:04:00] Then you still have work to do I still have work to do. And it involves around who we're meant to be. So last week on the episode where I shared some of the foundational mission and purpose behind this podcast, and I shared with you guys a little bit of my story and my journey specific to the podcast, and I've shared different facets of my life as a business owner, I've shared a little bit with my marriage and I'll even link to an interview that my husband did with me.
When I launched my very first podcast, the stories of light podcast, where it really kind of gives a deep dive of what some of the seasons that I'm going to share. ~Uh, ~quickly with you today, what that looked like. But I want to share a very specific time and a turning point in my testimony. Of becoming someone who was really deeply dependent on people pleasing on the worldly achievement or gains or public recognition. ~Um, and, ~and the things that I thought were dreams of [00:05:00] mine. And wrestling with this deep. Being, I guess, calling or the steep, deep feeling that there was something better for me, if I would just release my grip on those things that I was holding on to so tightly, which was namely my identity in what it was that I was doing. So I'll give you a little backstory and then I'll bring you to this specific moment where I was literally in a bathtub, like crying my eyes out. Where I was in this moment where I felt like I had this opportunity that would have seemed like such a gift to me. ~Um,~ to like the little teenage me or the me when I started my first business fresh out of college. ~Um,~ but in reality it was something that was not for me.
Thank God. I did not wound up pursuing it, but I'll tell you that in a second. But just a little bit of backstory. I have always been very ambitious. ~Uh, ~I like to call myself a recovering achiever because I do think that that was kind of ~my, ~my false identity was wrapped around someone who would. [00:06:00] When it all costs.
And even if that meant to coming to people pleasing and all of the things. ~Um, ~but ~I've, ~I've kind of always been that way. And so certainly I think some facets of our personality and who we're meant to be. There's good and there's bad. Right? And so ~that, that, um, ~that drive that ambition that I can use for the kingdom, it still serves me well in my business.
And even in this podcast to this day, but when used to reach after. The wrong things or the things that aren't from the Lord. Or, you know, that hold us back from the bigger plans and purposes. It can be really challenging. So I've always been very driven. So when I graduated from college and had that moment of like, what the heck am I going to do with my life?
I wanted to, I decided I wanted to open a boutique in Savannah, Georgia, and I believed full-out that I could do it. I still to this day, actually I do feel like it was a gift from the Lord of me kind of operating in my true self and my true identity of just being,~ um, ~again, ambitious ~and, and, ~and believing that I could do it and believing in [00:07:00] myself.
And also I loved the backside. Out of the business where I felt like I had been equipped with some of the knowledge. ~Um, ~and the jobs I had worked in, in the wholesale side at the Atlanta apparel market for, for years, I'd worked in boutiques, both in corporate retail and in small business side of things.
And so I felt really equipped even though I was only 21 years old. But. I was young and naive. Like a lot of us are right at that, in that season of our lives, or maybe that is where you are. If you're listening to this and you're a teenager or a college student, or maybe a recent graduate, trying to figure out what the heck you want to do with your life. I have been there, but what I decided to do was open this boutique and quite quickly I was able to have success.
And I think it was because I was operating from a place of full on faith. Even if my faith wasn't in the Lord, I was just taking the ideas as they came and running with it and working with what I had. I didn't have a lot of money to start the business, but ~that's that's~ I worked with what I had. Right. [00:08:00] And so within about a year, I had grown the business to about a million dollar business and we were, ~um, ~making a little bit of a name for the boutique in my small town, or it's not really that small, but in Savannah, Savannah Georgia. Where we were small business of the year, ~um,~ in, I think it was 2007, something like that.
Yeah. I think it was 2007 small business of the year for this Vanna chamber. I was best boutique and best women's clothing store in best fan of magazine and connect Savannah ~for, ~for many, many years. So I kind of had this inflated pride and ego, and honestly felt like if I'm being real, that I was the one who had accomplished all of this success and it felt, I felt kind of invincible and. And I felt. ~Um,~ I guess this, this feeding of wanting more of it.
Right. And so when I had accomplished the worldly things in my small town, What seemed to next it. It was either scaling the business, which of course I looked into like opening a franchise or, you know, growing more and more [00:09:00] stores. Or something that I felt like I can remember this. So clearly. Was, ~um, ~Was, I guess, I don't know those little things that we dream of as, as children that I was like, I want to be famous. I want to be a famous boutique owner and I would love to be on TV one day.
And so how many of you guys felt that way when you were a little girl? Like you watched either? Like, for me, it was the Mickey mouse club and watching like Brittany Spears and Christina. I can layer in all of those people. And I'm like, oh, I want to feel in the Mickey mouse club one day, or I would, I remember in middle school, like my dream job was wanting to be a model like a supermodel, but I only reached five, four. ~Um, ~obviously that was not in the cards for me for many reasons, but I think we all, we all have this feeling and it sounds so silly repeating this back, but I'm just telling you who I was and where I was as a, let's say this was probably like a 27 year old woman at this point. But I just, I had this feeling that I wanted more.
I wanted this, I wanted to be recognized. I wanted to, to be, have this recognition on a big level. And so I thought all my dreams had come [00:10:00] through the day that I got a, an email from a producer of a reality TV show, inviting me to share my story with them and also introduce them to a few other key players in the Savannah fashion community. And long story short, we were actually offered. A TV show, a reality TV show on the style network, which was like, I mean, I grew up watching this down at work and watching all of the shows and it, it felt like a dream come true to me.
You guys. And I was like, this is it. This is the culmination of all of the hard work that I have done. And it just doesn't get any better than this. I'm going to have my own reality show and I'm going to wear my little Christian Louboutin shoes, because believe it or not, this is crazy. I used to literally collect. Christian Louboutin shoes, which I'm like, who, who even was that person?
Who is that person? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just, I've come so far because now here I am with my, um, my little slip house slippers on. 95% of the time. Right. So anyway, I was like, this is it. This is, this [00:11:00] is it. Well, this just so happened to coincide. Of the time in my life, where I met the Lord Jesus. And I'm.
I came to know the Lord in the deepest season of struggle within our marriage. And no wonder my husband was frustrated because looking back, it's so easy and clearly to see that my identity was so wrapped up in what I was doing and in my life as a boutique owner and, you know, my magazine covers and all of these different things. That he was getting put somewhere way down the list. Then when we had children, it got even worse.
~Um, ~I of course like we all do when we have our first baby girl or baby, you know, first child. We pour everything into them. Right. And we're exhausted. We're tired. And we feel like that's, you know, if we just have this baby, that's all we need in the world. Well, that can leave a beloved husband feeling really, really second fiddle and kind of left out.
And so I had in watching one of my sweet friends, actually my very first [00:12:00] manager, Christine, who actually just got to see again this weekend and talk to. About this in front of our pastor, ~uh, at, ~at my friend Emily's funeral at her celebration of life this past weekend. And. I was able to kind of recount the fact that when she had walked through a similar season, she had gone to our church. And I had watched the Lord transfer form.
Her heart heal her marriage, and honestly transform her into someone. That was, it was still her, it was still Christine, but it was someone that. Um, I could just see the difference. Right. And I was like, wow, I want this. Like, I want that, like, I know my life needs to change. So giving the opportunity to sign on for this reality show, this Savannah style is what we were calling it. And doing it alongside some people who at the time were really, really close friends and close. Just close, close within that, that facet of my life. And yeah, it was actually had somebody ask me this when I was telling them the store the other day, they're like, was it [00:13:00] going to be like a documentary or more like a trashy kind of reality show?
I was like, oh, they were going to bring out the good stuff. They were definitely going to position it as like some conflict. And I think everybody was kind of on board with that except for me. But I just so desperately was seeking ~that, that, um, ~that recognition, if I'm being, if I'm being honest from the world and certainly not from the Lord. Well, it all kind of culminated.
We have this contract and my. You know, again, I was starting to go to church, our marriage. Was kind of in turmoil, but at the same time, I felt like there was a little glimmer of hope that if I did this right. And if I trusted in the Lord and not in myself, That there was a chance that he could heal our marriage. And so it all culminated to this one night.
I'll never forget it where I was laying in the bath, just bawling my eyes out. And I felt like ~in that, ~in that moment, I had to choose between my identity as a boutique owner, as a reality TV show star, [00:14:00] which is just sounds so, so silly to me. ~Um, ~I mean, literally, it sounds so silly when I repeat it back, but that's where I was.
This was my truth. This was my reality. This was my identity back ~in that, ~in that moment. Right. And balanced with this new identity that I had been given, which was my life in Christ and fully trusting him. That he would mold me and shape me into who I was meant to be and that he alone. Could give me that deep recognition that deep need for feeling seen and for feeling adored, that could only come from him.
And if I was trying to seek it from this public attention or from winning the best of whatever, It was never going to fully satisfy. And so I felt him tell me. Like, if you'll just trust me, I have something better for you than anything you could ever imagine. Certainly better than the stupid reality TV show.
And so long story short, praise the Lord. It didn't work out. ~It,~ it kinda wasn't necessarily. I wish I could say that it was this big moment of me being like, you know what, [00:15:00] I'm just not going to sign this contractor. I'm just not going to. Going to do this and I'm going to choose my marriage. But in reality, it kind of crumbled in a different way.
And I can remember being like so sad. And to win it still didn't work out, but also having this little feeling of peace. That it was the, it could possibly be for me. And that there could be something better for me. And so. I share this story with you in that moment, because I think this was the culmination ~of, ~of letting go the identity that I had hold held onto that I had developed for myself that the world. That the fashion industry, that the Savannah boutique community, that the Savannah business community, whatever that looked like that, ~that, ~that, that identity that had been decided for me and that I had held tightly to. Might not be the best thing for me.
It might not be who I was truly made to do to serve the Lord's kingdom and to truly be a light to point back to him. And so I slowly but surely released this [00:16:00] transformation in faith as my pastor. Beautifully said and a sermon a few weeks back, ~um,~ says that transformation happens. Over time. On purpose.
So you have to be really intentional and in community. And so I had to be really intentional about moving in this direction into who the Lord wanted me to be and getting really, really diving in. Even if that is something that I'm still finding out. But through that journey and to where I am today.~ I, ~I, like I said, have thought of a few kind of things that our identity is and things that our identity aren't when it comes to what the Lord says. Versus what the world says.
Okay. So the first principle in when it comes to your identity. Is that you are exactly who the Lord made you to be. All of us are made to be who the Lord made us to be, whether or not you have yet given your life to [00:17:00] Christ. Like I had it in that moment. I can still see where he was. Working on me, or I can still see the unique things as a child or as a young adult that were gifted in me that were beautiful things that I was using to chase after the wrong thing.
But they were from him. They still are from him and I still I'm going to get emotional, but I still wrestle ~with, ~with some of those things, because I think some of my shame. And some of the bad decisions that I made, or some of ~the, ~the things that, ~um, ~I was just making, chasing after the wrong thing. I think I tie who I am to those decisions.
When in reality, if I give the Lord those things that he gave to me, the gifts, the passions, the interests. Th all of the things, if I just give it to him and say, use me, Lord, use me for how you want me to serve your kingdom and your people while I'm still here on this earth, rather than to serve myself or rather than to be self seeking or. Getting recognition or getting whatever, whatever that is on this earth. ~When,~ when I shifted that and started to focus [00:18:00] on who, who am I, Lord, who did you make me to be?
And I can remember when I was in therapy at some point in this journey, it was right before COVID. So I don't even remember what it was that, that brought me to therapy, which by the way, is one of the best investments that you can ever. Choose for yourself is if you're struggling with any of this stuff, find a good Christian counselor.
I am so grateful that I did because it was some of the best time and money that I could have ever spent. But I remember her asking me, who do you think the Lord says that you are? Who, who, what is your identity in Christ? And I remember just feeling really stuck and not really knowing what that was.
And I think, again, ~I'm,~ I'm still kind of struggling ~with, ~with the us, but I am reading through a book called living fearless by Jamie Winship. And I honestly, I'm almost done and I think I'm going to have to do it again, not on one and a half speed, which raise your hand if you're like me and you can't listen to anything else other than one and a half speed. But I think I'm going to have to take my time and really, really get introspective about this rather than rush through it. But he invites you in the book to say a prayer and ask the [00:19:00] Lord who, you know, will one to reveal your false identity.
But number two to reveal. Who you are in him. And what he whispered to me was chosen. And again, I don't really know what that, that means that I'm going to be really looking into that. But I do know, I do know just deep within all of the hard things that I've been through deep within this hard season that I've been through, that the Lord has made me who I am, and that he's also made you who you are.
All of you for a reason. And so the number one thing is your identity is who the Lord made you to be and who he made your husband to be. And your sister to be your, your team, to be your mentor, to be anybody around you. We are all made in the image of God. And we were knit together in our mother's wombs. For a specific purpose and we all are uniquely gifted in those ways. So that's the first principle of what identity is. Now what identity isn't in relation to that is [00:20:00] it isn't who the world tells us that we are. Or who the world tells us that we need to be. And so what that means to me is if you're, for example, if you're in network marketing or you're an entrepreneur, the world is going to tell you that you need to rank, or you need to grow, or you need to. You know, ~um, ~accomplish this or you need to scale or, ~uh, ~you need to reach the certain. You know, level ~in your, ~in your life or in your business, and that's going to be different wherever you are, in ~whatever, ~whatever business model, but in reality, the Lord calls us to be who we are in the present moment and trust him independence by abiding with him in the vine.
Meaning like if he's he, if he is. Is the vine. We are binding with him as the branches. Right. And so a branch that is cut off from the vine. And not abiding in him, thoroughly is not going to well, it's going to wither away and die. First of all. So we have to remain and abide into him and we have to trust that. We are always going to [00:21:00] be who he's made us to be, but he can transform our hearts and our desires. And he's going to, that's going to change and shift as we go.
And as we grow to be more like him, so don't let the world tell you who you need to be. Or what you need to do and your business look to the Lord for today. And for that next step and for the wisdom and the words and the timing and all of the things, because ~he, ~he promises that he will give us all of the things that we need.
Okay. So that's the second, the second part of the, what identity is. Now number two is our identity is ever changing until we become more like Christ and he calls us home. And so what I mean by that is it can be really easy to pigeon hole ourselves into. A certain facet ~of, of, of, ~of who we are. Right.
Or what we love. Like, I. In middle school, high school and all through college was obsessed with fashion high [00:22:00] fashion. Like I could tell you the like 1997 fall, ~uh,~ product runway show. Like I remember it visibly to this day, but yet here we are in 2023. I don't remember the last time I've looked at any fashion show or any kind of. Any kind of, ~uh,~ I don't know, trend, I don't like trends.
I love things that are really timeless and classic. And I love what I love. I don't like to wear things. That, ~um, ~the world defines as something we need to wear. Right. I love to wear the things that we do and I still love to feel beautiful. I love pretty things, whether that's where my home, whether that's pretty makeup, whether ~that's, ~that's feeling beautiful and. ~Uh, ~great workout clothes, right. Whatever that is.
~Um, ~I still love those things, ~but,~ but if you were to look at who I was, ~or,~ or my identity for a good chunk of my life, you would have thought fashion. I was a big part of that. And in reality, that was just a vehicle to kind of get me through a journey to bring me into who I really, really am. ~Um, ~in, you know, in Christ and what kind of impact I can make ~on, ~on this. On this world through him. And [00:23:00] so really the. You know, when we try to pigeon hole ourselves, whether it's through a personality test. Or whether it's, again, what our parents may be said about us or what. Maybe even your husband has said about you, you know, it's, that's not who we are. It's who the Lord says we are, and he's going to change the desires of our hearts. In order to become more like him.
So things like organizing or cleaning or, ~um, you know, ~doing the dishes, things that I could never imagine doing, or be spending time outside. I was a total indoor girl. A total indoor girl, I would never want to climb a mountain or go hiking or spend time on the beach or any of any of those things until I really stepped into. The bigger purpose that he had for my life.
And he kind of changed me to where I actually love. Nature and the outdoors and being able to ~be, ~be more in, in his world rather than wrapped up in this kind of vapid world of. Not that there's anything wrong with being inside too, but, ~um, ~the Babbitt world of the fashion [00:24:00] industry, or, you know, all of those things that I just couldn't imagine, anything other than that, So your identity is ever changing until we become more like Christ and he calls us home to Aternity. So then the next is your identity is not what a personality test defines you as I'm reading another great book, because if y'all know me, you know, I'm always reading probably like three different books at any given moment in time.
And another one that I am in the midst of is called personality. Isn't permanent by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and I'm loving this book and it's kind of wrecking me as a person who has always loved taking an assessment or a personality test, whether it's the. The Myers-Briggs or the color code or the Enneagram, which we're going to be talking about extensively actually in the next episode. But what, I've, what I'm learning through this.
And even in the living fearless book, even though he doesn't specifically talk about this in the book, Jamie Winship, I'm [00:25:00] learning that if we try to live in this box of what a personality test defines us as. Knowing that again, we, the Lord's work is to transform our hearts to be more like him and to be less like what the world tells us to be. It. You know, it's not who we are.
It's just not. And in the next episode, I'm going to be sharing with you the three reasons why I. I'm not a fan of the Enneagram and why I definitely do not use it in my, ~um,~ in my business. And honestly, some of the facets while they are specific to the unigram and ~that ~that episode will be in regards to that. ~Um, ~I'm starting to realize that several of the reasons that I don't love it could also apply to a lot of other personality tests and quizzes out there because you can't group people.
The Lord people, the Lord has made into 3, 4, 10, 12 different people. Now there are certain tests like the StrengthsFinder test or there's one called high five that can help you. [00:26:00] Identify your strengths ~and, ~and the things that our natural gifts are, the things that light you up to me, that's a little bit different than putting you in a bucket of saying that you are this person.
You've always been this person either from when you were a baby or a child. Or, you know, cause most of them are based in that. Right. And you're not going to change. To me that is limiting what you're capable of and what is possible for you. Because I know from my own experience that the Lord again has changed my heart.
And I also know that when I take a lot of those tests, I can see myself in different scenarios and different situations in all of the different numbers are on all the different colors or whatever, whatever it is, right. And so you probably have had that same experience. And while in that moment, or in that season, you might identify yourself is one more than another. That personality test my friends.
I don't believe defines who you are as a person. So your personality. Test. What that [00:27:00] says is not your identity. Now the final. ~Uh, ~aspect of what your identity is, is it is who you can become. So it is you being the best version of yourself. And overcoming all of those fears, all of the shame, all of the negative thoughts, whether they're from your family, your husband, your friends, maybe it was deeply rooted in high school or middle school or college or in business. If you look at people who have been so successful in. Any, whether it's a sport or in business, there have been, there's been resistance along the way.
There've been people that told them that they couldn't do it and it drove them to prove, prove them that they could become who they felt called to be. And to become the best version of themselves. So you, your identity is who you can become. And our, ~uh, ~that series that I talked about in our church in [00:28:00] particular. It was wrapped up in a series called be become, do, which is be like Christ become.
But does it become it's on t-shirts become like him. Or be with Christ, become like him. Do what Jesus did. And when you do that, when you be with him, Are you. Or be like him become like him and study the word, study the example of what he represented in the word and in the stories of the Bible. And again, I say this all the time, but my favorite book to start with. Is James because that is literally Jesus's half brother.
So he lived with him and imagine what that was like. And he actually was not a believer when Christ was on this earth. So some scholars have said, so it wasn't until Christ died and was risen from the dead and came back and was visibly present to people like to James. That's what made him become a believer and the wisdom that he shares in that book is awesome.
You can also start in John, the gospel of John, because that's going to [00:29:00] tell the whole story and lineage of the life of Christ and his words and all of the things that he said. So ~start ~start with those two. If you don't know where to start to learn more, how you can become like Jesus. So your identity is who you can become the best version of yourself. And then finally, and this is probably the most important, especially if you are listening and you're in network marketing or you're in business in some way, your identity is not even what you do. It's not your job title.
It's not your rank. It's not the actions that you do. I spoke at my beautiful friend Emily's celebration of life this Saturday. And I was tasked with describing her and the words that I used were faith. Hope and love. But one of the things that I said at the beginning is Emily May have had cancer. The cancer does not define Emily.
It might have been a facet of her life there towards the end. But she was this beautiful person that the Lord made her to be. And cancer was the battle that she [00:30:00] faced at the end. That allowed her to become the best version of herself up until the very end. And so my friends, if you're trying to wrap up who you are in your rank or in your job title or in your career, Or whatever it is. You're chasing after the wrong goal.
And if you are ambitious, like me, And maybe you are, do you consider yourself an achiever? Like I did. Then you can shift that energy and that purpose into becoming more of who the Lord means for you to be in this world so that when we all come to the end of our life and we all will, that's the one certainty in life, right. When we all about at the feet of Jesus, then he can say to us, well done.
Good and faithful servant. Which I know is my goal. And I know that the only way I can do that is leaning into who he's made to be into my identity in Christ. And so my friends, I hope that this [00:31:00] message has served you well, I. I know I'm going really deep here on a lot of things, but I feel that that's what the Lord is calling me to, and I could have never dreamed 10 or so years ago when I was sitting in that bathtub cry. That he would have me. Preaching. Which I hope I'm not preaching.
I never want to try to preach. I just want to share my story and my testimony and my experience with you guys. But I never would imagine that he could bring me here and that I could be where I am today, which is even though here I am crying. In a place of the deepest fulfillment, and these are happy tears because I know that I'm operating from a place of who he's meant for me to be. And there is nothing better. Then when you lean into that friends.
And so thank you so much for listening. If you are wondering who the winner of the gift away challenge in celebration of my hundredth episode is. You can head on over to my Instagram at Heather K Berge, where I will, by the time this airs, I will be announcing the [00:32:00] winner. Of the gift away challenge of, ~uh, ~over a thousand dollars worth of free sink goodies, the advent calendar from well, a well-watered women. Which I'm going to be diving into for admin myself, the cultivate, what matters power sheets, which I cannot wait to dive into as I head into my birthday, actually, it'll be the day after this podcast airs to my birthday week so that I can. Dive even deeper.
Like I said, ~into my, ~into my identity. And then the advent calendar from. St which actually have right here, this little fun little eyeshadow calendar. So as we dive into this season and the. Celebration of the birth of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I invite you all to continue walking deeper with me on this podcast.
As we tackle some of the kind of crazy things that the world says versus what the word says about. All of the things. So thank you again for listening to this podcast and I will see you guys next week. Bye.[00:33:00]
